I can see a peace surrounding me, that I feel often but am unable to visualize without stepping outside of myself for a moment.
In photos like this, I am also able to see how loved I am by others. And I carry my happiness, peace, and love inside of me. I pull that energy out and wrap it around me when I am encountering situations or places that I would not normally feel the most nourished.
This has been transformational for me. It has helped me recognize the pay off of my hard work. I seek to create a life where at the core of my existence I feel healed of my past, comfortable in my roots, and positive about tomorrow.
Drawing from that energy is not always "enough" for those around me. And I have learned lately that no matter what state of mind I create for myself, other competing energies (either knowingly or unknowingly) will work against that.
I am hoping to learn how, when faced with people who CHOOSE toxicity and chaos, to close doors and otherwise open channels inside of me to their energies. My plan for doing so includes:
1) an awareness of how someone else's deliberate hurt and pain (as differentiated from universal, grieving pain) does NOT have to become my own,
2) an ability to say "no" when I feel uncomfortable with someone's request,
3) surrounding myself with people who respect my healthy life choices
4) taking time to practice various types of meditation and healing exercises to balance my energies.
It has taken me some time to recognize how my life choices have resulted in a distancing from others (partly of my doing, partly on other's behalf). And I understand that not everyone agrees with how and why I choose to live the way I do. And I respect that and the lost relationships as a result. I am now learning how to hold on to relationships that believe in what makes me, and create the most nourishing connections possible. Freedom lies in the balance.
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